Letting The Dust Settle

For years senior players on my college baseball team told me I would cry after I completed my last game. I denied every single ounce of that statement for as long as I could. In some messed up way, I didn’t want to be emotional.

I told my teammates I wouldn’t be emotional, I wanted to pretend I didn’t care (What a mistake that was). That statement was a cover. It was a sorry attempt to discredit something that meant the world to me – because it was easier to ignore my fear than to truly accept that I was failing to live up to my potential. It was a statement that tried to downplay the love I had for the game because I was too scared to step up and try to be something great. I was scared to be accountable.

After my last game I was partially right, but very wrong at the same time. I didn’t cry immediately after the game, but I ended up balling my eyes out 30 minutes later in a restaurant packed full of people. Everyone thought it was because I was closing an amazing chapter, but it was really because I was closing a damaged one. I was closing a chapter which showed me if we fail to show up for ourselves not only are we letting ourselves down, we are letting down everyone else who believes in us.

Months Removed From Baseball

Removing myself from baseball was similar to a bad breakup for me. I didn’t even want to acknowledge it existed. It was a place where I learned so much, but also lost a large part of myself. It’s the first span of time where i’ll look back and wish I was more accountable, transparent, and disciplined. It’s also the first span of time where I look back and wonder what could have been.

After removing myself, and finding myself going back to watch old videos, I’ve realized a couple things and I want to share them with you.

I’ve realized that no matter how badly I want to go back, I can’t. My life took an alternative path and I’ll never be able to find out who a now make believe transparent, accountable, and disciplined kid COULD have been.

But I also realized this.

I realized why I got pulled off course, how that will never happen again, and how I can use my experience to make sure I help as many people as possible.

With this lesson I can make sure other people never leave their potential on the table because its easier to follow the crowd. I can work endlessly to help people stay aligned with their truest self, and feel strong in the support they receive from me.

It’s a reason why I choose to do things differently in my life, and will continue to do things differently in my life.

I choose to go against the crowd and stand OUT in hopes that one day someone can stand WITH me at a critical in their life – one where they need it most. I work so that critical moment comes before they look back and wish life’s events unfolded differently.

At the bottom line, my goal will always be to stand out so one day people who want to make a difference can stand alongside me.

Use your mistakes for good.

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One response to “Letting The Dust Settle”

  1. Jim. We are all failures. Yet we will continue to strive to be the best WE can be. Less than 1 % of the population is a “great” or a “success” in the minds of others. It’s what we have in our hearts that drive us. You’re state of mind has driven you to lead, whether by example or by sample you have found your niche.
    And that my friend is commendable. Be a better you and be someone people can lean on because that makes what life is about. Be a leader. Set examples. Share your successes and failures. Don’t look back… always look forward. I’m your young life, you have already proven you have half the answers. Keep striving for greatness. You may not get there, but your worth is immeasurable. God speed and hopefully, with good fortunes, you’ll achieve what you set out to do.
    And that is something no one cannot admire.
    All the best.

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